GRUMPY OLD MAN

SOME PEOPLE HAVE FUNNY IMAGINATIONS

A beehive sculpture costing thousands of pounds has been removed from a public park after complaints it looked 'too rude'.

The artwork was designed to stand next to a children's play area in a park but council staff were ordered to take it down just days after it was unveiled.

Award-winning sculptor Thompson Dagnall - who was paid around £3,500 for the work - said a Tameside council boss told him the design was too 'phallic'.

Artist Mr Dagnall, 56, said: 'I think it's ridiculous. It was a fair stretch of the imagination to have it as something phallic.

'I don't think it looked phallic. It did take quite a long time. I find it a bit sad and a bit silly.'

(From an article in the Daily Mail)

Note: Originally the beehive was mounted at the top of this tree trunk, but council workers cut off the head and put it separately on the ground. Admittedly, the complete erection may have been considered 'rude'.

REVENGE OF THE INTROVERTS

Do you hate crowds and small talk? Is your idea of heaven a weekend with nothing to do but spend time with your family and read a book? Do you find it exhausting to be around people all the time — even if they are people you really like?

If the answer to these questions is yes, the chances are you an introvert. Contrary to popular opinion, an introvert is not someone who is anti-social or shy. Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that aren’t over-stimulating.

Unlike extroverts, who are the life and soul of the party — and need to be around other people to recharge their batteries — introverts need a lot of quiet time and reflection. They crave time alone and are happiest in their own inner world of thought and feeling.

Where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum is the single most important aspect of your personality — the ‘north and south of temperament’ as the scientist J.D. Higley puts it. It influences our choice of friends and partners, and how we make conversation, resolve differences and show love. It affects the careers we choose and whether or not we succeed at them.

It governs how likely we are to exercise (a habit found in extroverts), commit adultery (extroverts), function well without sleep (introverts), learn from our mistakes (introverts), place big bets on the stock market (extroverts), delay gratification (introverts), and make considerate, well-balanced leaders (introverts).

As with other complementary pairings — masculinity and femininity, East and West, liberal and conservative — humanity would be unrecognisable and vastly diminished without both personality styles. And yet these days many of us have been made to feel there is something wrong with being quiet.

We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal — the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious and comfortable in the spotlight.

The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He or she favours quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong, works well in teams and socialises in groups. We like to think we value individuality — but all too often we admire one type of individual, namely the kind who is comfortable ‘putting himself out there’.

Introversion — along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness — is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Extroversion is a hugely appealing personality style but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art and inventions — from the theory of evolution to Van Gogh’s Sunflowers and the personal computer — came from quiet, cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.

(From an article in MailOnline)

A LOAD OF CODSWALLOP

A left-wing Labour MP last night launched a campaign to stop Big Ben tower being renamed the Elizabeth Tower in honour of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

Ex-miner Ronnie Campbell said he resented being ‘ruled over by fifth-generation Germans who changed their name from Battenberg to Windsor’.

The anti-monarchist denounced a plan backed by Tory Sir Malcolm Rifkind and Labour’s Jack Straw to rename the tower containing Big Ben the Elizabeth Tower as ‘a load of codswallop’.

The MP for Blyth Valley in Northumberland said: ‘I don’t think the Queen would want it. She is probably embarrassed.

Mr Campbell said: ‘Every socialist bone in my body tells me we should abolish the Monarchy as an outdated institution that nurtures a class system based on birth, not worth.

‘Why should we be ruled over by families descended from robber barons, bandits and illegitimate heirs?

Mr Campbell also said the Queen had ‘no right to lord it’ over ordinary working-class people like him.

‘I bend my knee to no one,’ he continued. ‘Without the Monarchy, there would be no aristocrats owning vast swathes of our green and pleasant land simply because their ancestors stole it from the previous occupants.’

Mr Campbell claimed his own family of miners had done more for Britain than the Queen.

‘It is a better legacy than waving from cars and opening Parliament while wearing a heavy crown,’ he said.

(Abridged from an article in MailOnline)

You could be forgiven for thinking they have left home in their pyjamas.

In fact these London 2012 torchbearers are modelling the official gold and white tracksuits they will wear as they carry the flame across the country.

While they are supposed to ‘accent the energy of the Olympic flame', the outfits merely attracted derision when they were unveiled yesterday, with critics likening them variously to nightwear, nurse's uniforms and even Sir Jimmy Savile's tracksuits.

It emerged yesterday that for 80 per cent of its 70-day journey across Britain, the torch will be driven in a security van rather than carried on foot – with each of the 8,000 bearers travelling only 300 metres each.

However, the short journeys could be just as well, given their 100 per cent polyester long-sleeved outfits, which critics pointed out could be uncomfortably sweaty in the summer months.

There are also issues with Health & Safety.

(From an article in MailOnline)

VITAL PROTECTION OR SINISTER ADDITION TO OUR SURVEILLANCE SOCIETY?

It looks like a standard identity badge, giving the traffic warden's number and confirming that he is an officer of the local council.

But a closer examination of the card pinned to the warden's jacket reveals something far more sinister – it contains a tiny lens and is actually a camera for filming motorists.

It is so unobtrusive that many motorists would not even know they were being filmed.

Wardens – or civil enforcement officers (CEOs), as they are now known – are under no obligation to inform drivers that they are filming. The only notification is a small strip across the top of the badge which reads ‘CCTV in operation'. If there is a dispute, footage can be used as evidence in a court.

Councils that have given the £500 cameras to wardens say they protect staff from abusive behaviour and also helps resolve disputes.

But privacy campaigners say the camera is a covert tool that will place ordinary citizens under an even greater level of surveillance.

Nick Pickles, director of civil liberties campaign group Big Brother Watch, said: ‘A tiny warning on a badge hardly constitutes telling someone they're being recorded.

At the very minimum it should be a legal requirement that the member of staff informs the other person they are being recorded, but in reality it's just another attack on our privacy and treats every member of the public as being under suspicion.

Edesix, the Edinburgh-based software company which makes the device, says the badge is intended to make it easy for wardens to wear on their uniforms and denies there is an element of subterfuge.

(From an article in MailOnline)

N.B. The camera lens is to the left of "CCTV" on the badge.

LOST IN TRANSLATION

If you need to claim welfare benefits but the only language you speak is Nigerian Pidgin, you are in luck.

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) can deal with claimants in 165 languages, providing translators at taxpayers’ expense.

Among the languages it offers is Pidgin, a variant of English which is the native tongue of an estimated 2 per cent of Nigeria’s population.

A Pidgin-speaker who told Jobcentre staff “I wan go job but I no well” would have his words translated, using the publicly-funded service, as “I would like to work but I am sick.”

Overall the DWP used interpreters 271,695 times in 12 months in meetings and telephone calls, according to official documents.

But while there were more than 50,000 translations into Polish and 22,000 into Czech and Slovak, there was lower demand for other services.

Translation was required once each for French Canadian and Icelandic. Not a single person used the service provided for Basque, Catalan, Tongan — or Nigerian Pidgin.

Languages used on more than 1,000 occasions included Italian, Vietnamese, and the Ethiopian tongues of Tigrinya and Amharic, according to the figures for October 2010 to September last year.

On three occasions, translators were provided to help Welsh speakers in England. At DWP offices in Wales, Welsh is spoken as a matter of course.

Interpretation is contracted out to private providers. The DWP said one company, the Big Word Interpreting Service Limited, received £3.5 million of public money in the 12 months to the end of January.

Sir Andrew Green, the chairman of MigrationWatch, said: “This is the height of absurdity. It is essential that when migrants come to this country they learn to speak English.”

Jonathan Isaby, of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, said: “People expect the DWP to use their resources on helping those genuinely in need, not on language services. Anyone who has chosen to live in Britain should be making an effort to learn to speak English.”

(From an article in the Daily Telegraph)

Brits spend more than two months a year or 31 hours a week watching television, a new study reveals.

The report, published by TV Licensing, found that the average Brit consumed 28 hours of television on a traditional set a week, with a further three hours on a laptop, phone or other smaller screen.

Figures showed that the Royal Wedding in April was the most viewed programme on television in 2011, watched by 26.5 million.

(From an article in the Daily Mail)

THE 'SPAREONE' MOBILE PHONE

The SpareOne mobile phone is absolutely unique - running on one inexpensive AA battery, it keeps its charge for up to 15 years. Many modern mobiles will lose their charge over time, even if switched off. Talk-time is 10 hours.

It has no camera, web browser or other hi-tech extras such as touch-screens. It's designed simply to work as a phone for you to make and receive calls - and built to last.

Its makers say that the SpareOne is ideal to leave in the car for emergencies, or to pack in travel luggage – especially if you or your loved-ones plan to go off the beaten track (or off-piste).

The SpareOne can be pre-programmed for instant access to phone numbers of key contacts, including the relevant emergency services in any location. It is also able to automatically transmit its location via its mobile ID, plus it has a built-in torch - and unlike so many of today’s gadgets, it even comes with the AA battery included.

The phone is designed as a 'backup' phone you can keep in the glove compartment for emergencies. The idea is that you can keep it there without worrying if it’s charged or not.

The SpareOne goes on sale on March 15, priced at £60 in the UK and $70 in the U.S.

(From an article in MailOnline)

Answers to yesterday's maths test: Q1: C - 4ml Q2: D - 3kg 450 Q3: D - 8mQ4: A - Potatoes at 6.15 and chicken at 7.05
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Britain’s biggest-selling brand of babies’ gripe water is being investigated by the Government’s medicines watchdog.

Stocks of Woodward’s Gripe Water have almost dried up at supermarkets and pharmacies – leading to mothers panic buying the remaining supplies.

Until now the reason for the shortage was not clear. But yesterday the manufacturer Reckitt Benckiser confirmed production had ceased four months ago.

Bottles of the tonic, which sell in shops at £2.49, have been changing hands on eBay for up to five times the normal price.

Some retailers are selling it for £9.99 a bottle, some at £9.20 and one tradesman was even trying to sell a similar rival brand for £29.99.

Some shops who still have stock are said to be limiting mothers to one bottle each.
While mothers scramble for supplies, there has been no explanation for the investigation and even the country’s biggest pharmaceutical retailer, Boots, seems to be in the dark.

Woodward’s contains sodium hydrogen carbonate and dill seed oil. It is alcohol and sugar-free and on the packaging boasts ‘rapid relief of wind and gripe’.

Gripe water was first formulated in England in 1851 by American William Woodward.

It originally contained 3.6 per cent alcohol, dill oil, sugar, water and sodium bicarbonate.

(From an article in the Daily Mail)

I wonder what the problem is? The investigation by the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) is understood to be focusing on claims made in the written material that accompanies the bottle.

Poor numeracy is blighting Britain's economic performance and ruining lives, says a new charity launched to champion better maths skills.

The group, National Numeracy, says millions of people struggle to understand a payslip or a train timetable, or pay a household bill.

It wants to challenge a mindset which views poor numeracy as a "badge of honour".

Chris Humphries, chairman of National Numeracy and a former chief executive of the UK Commission for Employment and Skills, said: "It is simply inexcusable for anyone to say: 'I can't do maths.' It is a peculiarly British disease which we aim to eradicate.

"It doesn't happen in other parts of the world. With encouragement and good teaching, everyone can improve their numeracy."

Mr Humphries said just 15% of Britons studied maths after the age of 16, compared with 50-100% in most developed nations

(From the BBC)

Just how good is your arithmetic? Try a selection of questions from the 'Skills for Life' survey:

Q1. To clean a work surface, how much bleach is needed in half a litre of water?

CONCENTRATED BLEACH
Use diluted
- for work surfaces and basins (40ml bleach in five litres water)
- for bleaching whites (20ml bleach in five litres water)
- Soak for no longer than 45 minutes, rinse thoroughly

A) 2ml
B) 2.5ml
C) 4ml
D) 20ml

Q2. Four friends have joined a gym to lose weight and get fit. After one month they recorded their weight loss on a chart.

How much weight have they lost between them?

Weight loss after one month

Jo - 500g
Hasran - 1kg
Kevin - 1kg 200g
Cathy - 750g

A) 2kg
B) 2kg 450g
C) 3kg
D) 3kg 450g

Q3. How much bleach do I need to use in 2 litres of water to bleach whites?

CONCENTRATED BLEACH
Use diluted
- for work surfaces and basins (40ml bleach in five litres water)
- for bleaching whites (20ml bleach in five litres water)
- Soak for no longer than 45 minutes, rinse thoroughly

A) 5 litres
B) 20ml
C) 10ml
D) 8ml

Q4. The jacket potatoes and chicken joints have to be ready at 7.45 sharp.

When should Mick start to prepare them?

Chicken joints: five minutes to prepare, 35 minutes to cook.
Jacket potatoes: 15 minutes to prepare. One and a quarter hours to cook.

A) Potatoes at 6.15 and chicken at 7.05
B) Potatoes at 6.45 and chicken at 7.15
C) Potatoes at 6.30 and chicken at 7.05
D) Potatoes at 6.15 and chicken at 7.30

(Answers tomorrow)