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CHURCH OF ENGLAND WRITES A MARRIAGE GUIDE

There was a time when the vicar's role in a marriage stopped at the church gate after the confetti was thrown.

Now, however, clergy are to offer advice on everything from financial planning to who hould do the ironing. They will even venture into the bedroom.

Worried by the high numbers of divorces, the Church of England has produced its guide to the perfect marriage, called Growing Together, to help couples prepare properly for the rigours of modern marriage.

In 120 pages, the guide advises couples to make priorities among their goals in life, including sex, children and sport, even suggesting that they consider who does the cooking and who cleans the lavatory.

It tells prospective husbands they must learn to improve their capacity to listen, while prospective wives need to be honest about how they intend to spend their money. It also says the couple should talk openly about their love life.

"Sex, far from being naughty, is something holy and wonderful and something to be celebrated. Like any other skill, it has to be learned, and their task is to be each other's teacher," it says.

It adds: "A person from a prudish kind of home may find living with a partner who comes from a home where nudity and openness about sex is normal quite a threat."
Couples are encouraged to discuss their biggest "turn-ons" and "turn-offs" and are provided with case studies to warn them that many people begin married life with a limited sex education.

The book uses a real case to highlight the naivety of some couples: "Kevin and Mandy had been married 18 months and were worried that they had not conceived a child. It turned out that they had never had full intercourse."

Other issues that couples are encouraged to confront are their financial arrangements, such as whether they have joint or separate bank accounts, and whether they want to be buried or cremated when they die.

Although the book, the Church's first on the subject of marital guidance, is aimed primarily at vicars, to help them prepare couples before they make their wedding vows, it is also available to those who want to go through the advice on their own.

"We are not just interested in the wedding but in the marriage," said the Rt Rev Nick Baines, the Bishop of Croydon. "We want to prepare people for life and it's particularly important we do this, considering the number of people who are getting divorced."

Mr Baines argued that it was right for clergy to be discussing issues such as sex with couples, despite the sensitivity of the issue.

"There's an assumption that church people are from a different planet, but we're not. We live in the real world and we are trying to help people talk about things that often don't get talked about.

"We're not trying to be trendy but are showing that we have the guts to address these big issues."

(Abridged from the Daily Telegraph)