Officials of the Scottish Parliament have drawn up emergency plans to move a pigeon chick from its home on top of the building in Edinburgh to a wildlife sanctuary 100 miles away.

The removal of the chick and its nest, which has been prompted by health and safety fears, would cost approximately £250.

The nest was discovered this week above the public entrance to the £430 million building despite the installation of anti-bird spikes over the summer.

Under the plan, the chick would be moved to Hessilhead Wildlife Rescue Trust, near Beith, Ayrshire.

The cost of moving the bird includes the removal of the nest, the transporting of the chick to its new home and specialist cleaning of the roof of the building.

Some members of the Scottish Parliament reacted angrily to the proposed use of taxpayers' money. Bill Aitken, the Scottish Conservative chief whip, said: "I would have thought that it was not difficult to find a more cost-effective solution."

Margo McDonald, an independent MSP who has been a vocal critic of the parliament building, which opened three years late and 10 times over budget, said: "For £250 a bird, I will wring their necks myself."

CAMPAIGN AGAINST SPEED CAMERAS

Over the years, many speed cameras have been vandalised in the UK. The above photo shows one that was torched.

On another occasion, one was cut down and thrown over a bridge, whilst others have been blown up or pulled down by tractors.

Yes, motorists are rebelling and a there is a protest organisation 'MAD' (Motorists Against Detection).

Now fuel has been added to the argument after official statistics showed that only five per cent of crashes are caused by drivers breaking the speed limit.

Drivers who let their attention wander cause more than six times as many accidents.

There are more than 5,400 camera sites in England and Wales, which raised £113 million in fines in 2004-5.

Is it time for some of them to go?

Romania and Bulgaria have welcomed the announcement that they will be admitted to the EU in January 2007, albeit under strict conditions.

As the European Union gives Romania and Bulgaria the go-ahead to join the club, there is speculation the UK will see the arrival of more workers from these two countries from 2007.

There have been long queues at police stations in Romania over the past few days to obtain passports so that people can leave to work elsewhere in the EU.

In May 2004, eight other Eastern European nations joined the EU - and the UK was one of the few countries to give their citizens free access to our labour market.

The eight nations given unfettered access to the UK's jobs market in May 2004 were the Czech Republic, Estonia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia and Slovenia, known as the "Accession Eight".

Two other nations joined the EU on the same day - Malta and Cyprus - but their labour force is tiny and not subject to any potential restrictions.

Along with other EU member states, the UK had a choice. It could either open its doors to workers or use restrictions for up to seven years.

We decided not to impose restrictions and between May 2004 and June 2006 447,000 people from the Accession Eight registered to work in the UK.

Those are the OFFICIAL figures and, if illegal immigrants are included, the numbers are much higher.

In addition, self-employed people, who do not need to register, are not included.

The influx of such large numbers is having a huge effect on the economy and life of the UK.

Do you think it is for the better?

CHILDREN "ORDERING ALCOHOL OVER PHONE"

Children as young as 12 can buy alcohol over the telephone by placing orders with takeaway meals, warns the Government's health tsar for children.

In some parts of the country — particularly the North West — it was possible for children to order alcohol over the telephone with take-aways "so the delivery does not arouse suspicion".

A spokesman for Alcohol Concern said: "While it is difficult to gauge the scale of this problem, it is clear that home deliveries of alcohol, either as part of a takeaway meal or grocery order, make alcohol more accessible to under-age drinkers because of the difficulty of checking the purchaser's age at the point of sale.

"Retailers need to face up to their responsibilities under the current licensing laws and put in place procedures to prevent under-age sales, for example by making it clear that proof of age will be required at the point of delivery and ensuring staff follow these procedures."

N.B. In a survey nearly one in four secondary school children aged between 11 and 15 said they had drunk alcohol in the week before they were interviewed.

Cider, lager, beer and alcopops were the favourites, with the average amount consumed doubling between 1990 and 2000 to 10.4 units per week.

A school in Gosport, Hants thinks it has solved the problem of truancy.

Don't require children to attend - ever!

Instead, let them 'study' at home, on their computers, at any time of the day or night.

The school, which has one of the country's worst truancy records is to offer 24-hour teaching, allowing pupils to choose when - or indeed whether - they attend.

Classrooms will be open from 7am until 10pm and the 1,000-pupil comprehensive will provide online teaching throughout the night.

Cheryl Heron, the head teacher, said her proposals, approved by the Education Secretary, challenged conventional thinking on how schools should run.

"Why must teaching only be conducted in a classroom? It is possible to teach a child without him or her ever regularly setting foot inside a school.

"We are talking about schools changing to meet the needs of children rather than requiring children to fit in with the conventional school year, which dates back to agrarian times.

"The main reason why children play truant is boredom. If they are not responding to the classroom then perhaps they will respond to online learning and e-mentoring."

She said technology provided an opportunity for individual learning programmes, to engage children who otherwise regularly played truant.

"This system is simply adapting to the demands of the modern world and how people live their life.

"The idea of a 24/7 timetable is that we look at what is best for the children and their educational needs."

"Some people simply learn better at different times than others, so why should children be forced into a situation where they have to learn between 9am and 3.30pm?

"We know we have a problem with attendance and we do not try to hide from it.

"Children need to be stimulated to want to come into school. The reason why most kids play truant is through boredom and these changes help alleviate that problem.

"It is turning what is normal upside down and bringing it into the 21st century. The present term system was established to allow children to harvest crops in the summer.

"Ask a university student when they do most of their work. You will probably find it is at night or even in the small hours of the morning. The same can apply to school children."

Will it work?

Do you want to write now a message to be read sometime time in the future, say 5, 10 or 20 years?

You can address it to yourself or anyone else, but of course the email address must still exist at the future date - and there must still be computers and an Internet!

You can do all this by going to: http://futureme.org

Since its conception in 2004, the site has had almost 317,000 entries, from simple reminders of anniversaries or birthdays to lengthy treatises on the writer's current situation and future goals.

The creator, Matt Sly, has said "One of the more touching testimonials we received was from 'Mike', a guy who was suffering from Alzheimer's, who wanted to preserve the memories he was worried about losing."

How about sending a message from the grave!

Another site, www.mylastemail.com, promises to deliver your electronic testimony to your loved ones after you die.

Or perhaps it is easier to just write a letter and seal it in an envelope!

Although at 80, the Queen remains in good health, the Duke of Norfolk, in his role as Earl Marshal, has already begun overseeing a review of the ceremonies for the accession of Prince Charles and his coronation will probably be a "multi-faith" event.

Prayers and readings from other denominations and religions, including from the Muslim, Sikh and Jewish faiths, are expected to be included.

Canon John Hall, the Dean-elect of Westminster Abbey, said that the traditional Church of England coronation service must be revised to reflect society's changes since the Queen's coronation in 1953. As dean, he will be on the committee responsible for drawing up the service.

"The coronation service needs to find the right way of including people of other faiths. It must be different in some ways because of the nature of society and how things have changed."

He said that the Church must be prepared to let other faiths play a role in the service. "We need to recognise the reality of religion at the heart of our national life. Rather than hold it possessively, it has become possible to help to create space for other religions within our national life. It is leading to inclusion and cohesion."

The proposed changes follow comments already made by Prince Charles, who has said that he wants to be "Defender of Faith" – not "Defender of the Faith" – when he succeeds to the throne.

However, Alison Ruoff, a member of the General Synod, the church's parliament, voiced concern about the plans.

"We should not pander to political correctness," she said. "There is no way that other faiths should be involved in the service. This is a Christian country and so the coronation service must remain exclusively Christian and we should not apologise for that."

Who is right?

What do you think?

A police force wants to start charging offenders £200 for every night they spend in the cells.

John Clarke, the chairman of Nottinghamshire Police Authority, has written to John Reid, the Home Secretary, asking for the power to bring in the charges.

He said yesterday that millions of pounds were being spent each year holding criminals in police custody, pushing up council tax bills, and that it was time to recoup some of the money.

"Every weekend our custody suites are at bursting point with drunken yobs and other offenders," he said. "Officers have to clear up after them and feed them as if they were in a hotel. In a hotel you are charged and that is exactly what should happen to those who end up in custody who are later convicted by a court or given a police caution.

"Council tax bills are going up and up to cover the cost of policing, yet these criminals pay nothing. The innocent are funding the guilty; it is ridiculous.

"We have projects and initiatives we want to put in place over the next couple of years to help protect people but we can't afford to. Here is a way of recouping some money and using it to provide more front-line officers and other crime-fighting initiatives."

GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY

(And receive a fridge,a washing machine or a 4WD vehicle)

Russians are urged to take the afternoon off, go home and make a baby.

The governor of a Russian province gave workers an afternoon off and told them to go home and multiply in the most direct attempt yet by officials seeking to tackle the country's growing depopulation crisis.

Bureaucrats have been dreaming up ever more imaginative schemes to help reverse the trend ever since President Vladimir Putin identified Russia's demographic crisis – caused in part by soaring levels of alcoholism – as the country's biggest threat.

But few have been quite as blunt as Sergey Morozov, the governor of Ulyanovsk, a depressed region on the Volga.

In exchange for an afternoon of state-sponsored passion, his "Give birth to a patriot" campaign launched last week offers parents who give birth next year on June 12, Russia's Independence Day, a range of incentives from a fridge or washing machine to a four-wheel-drive vehicle, depending on how many children the couple already has.

The Kremlin is offering even more substantial inducements. In a state of the nation address in May that was redolent of the Soviet era, Mr Putin encouraged Russians to make more babies and promised to give £5,000 to every mother who gives birth to a second child.

It is unclear how many of Ulyankovsk's residents took up Mr Morozov's offer, but the governor is convinced that such strategies are essential if the decline is to be reversed. Russia's 142 million population is dwindling faster than any other on Earth with 793,000 more deaths than births in 2004, according to the Centre for Demography.

Contender for BBC "Picture Of The Year"

An honest Hungarian

It may surprise electorates in western Europe that Hungarians should riot because their prime minister has confessed lying to them; this, after all, is what we expect of our politicians.

But it is Ferenc Gyurcsány's brutal candour that has caused outrage. Rather than trying to defend himself against accusations of dishonesty, as Tony Blair did over his claim that Iraq had WMD, he admitted that the socialist-led ruling coalition had consistently lied about the state of the economy since he became its head in 2004.

"You cannot quote any significant government measure we can be proud of," he told a closed session of his party in May. The country had been kept afloat by "divine providence, the abundance of cash in the world economy and hundreds of tricks".

It is understandable that these recently leaked remarks should have caused offence. Voters, who in April gave the coalition a second term in office, with an increased majority, must feel they have been taken for a ride. Fidesz, the centre-Right opposition party, and the press have been shown powerless to hold a deceitful administration to account. The government's economic advisers have been revealed as incompetent.

Yet Mr Gyurcsány has done Hungary and the rest of post-Communist Europe a favour by drawing attention to the arrant misuse of power by their elites. He may pay for his own part in that betrayal by losing his job, but his frankness should serve as an incentive to politicians to be straight with voters as they confront previously shirked economic reforms. In Hungary's case, that means reducing a budget deficit of more than 10 per cent of GDP, the biggest in the EU and a bar to adopting the euro.

Fifty years ago next month, the Hungarians rose up briefly against their Russian overlords. In the wake of that failed revolt, the government adopted a more liberal, "goulash" variety of Communism, a faint precursor of the transformation of eastern Europe that was to take place in 1989 and 1990. Now, Hungary is again to the fore, this time reminding the region that democratic elections on their own by no means guarantee good governance. Whatever his previous record, Mr Gyurcsány deserves a pat on the back for his belated candour.

(Daily Telegraph)

The Tsar Bell is the world's largest of its kind.

After the Russian revolution, Lenin had the bells of the Kremlin silenced.

(From the BBC picture series "Inside The Kremlin")

£18,500 bill for mother who binned parking tickets

A single mother whose friends told her that she did not have to bother paying parking fines has been left with a bill of £18,500.

Roma Wheldon, a mother of four, managed to get 120 parking tickets in two years.

Her friends told her that authorities never bothered to chase up unpaid fines and so she stuffed them all in a bin and forgot about them. It turned out to be a bad move.

Far from forgetting about the £60 fines, Southend Council put a debt collection agency and bailiffs on the case and presented Miss Wheldon, 35, with the huge bill, telling her to pay up or face prison.

Fortunately, her 85-year-old grandfather, her parents and her brother rallied round and paid off £12,500 of the debt, which includes about £10,000 in bailiffs’ fees.

That still leaves Miss Wheldon owing £6,000, which she had agreed to pay off at £100 a month over the next five years.

“I used to park anywhere I liked and was always getting tickets,” she said yesterday.

“I never thought it would go this far. I used to park outside my mum’s house a lot and she has got parking meters outside. But I never put any money in them and always got a ticket.

“I know it sounds stupid but I just used to park the car, leave it and walk off. I was hanging around with the wrong group of people. They told me not to worry about it and just ignore the tickets. A lot of it is my own fault. I know that and have learnt the hard way.

Neo-Nazi groups have appeared in Chile in recent years. As in Europe and North America, they have adopted Nazi symbols and profess hatred towards hippies, punks, homosexuals, drug addicts, Jews and foreigners in general.

Although potentially violent, the Chilean groups are poorly organized, without a legitimate leader, and they have little influence.

They generally take part in neo-Nazi meetings and events marking Hitler's birthday and the 1938 Nazi putsch.

Further to my posting a day or so ago, here is another of Henry Moore's paintings of an air raid shelter in World War II.

Tube Shelter Perspective 1941

The exhibition "Henry Moore: War and Utility" is at the Imperial War Museum, London from 14 September 2006 to 25 February 2007

"Discover how Henry Moore was influenced by the human responses to conflict, revealing how the Spanish Civil War, the Second World War and the austere post-war decade informed his practice. A unique opportunity to see Moore’s public sculpture, lithographs, textiles and the poignant shelter drawings set against the machines of war."

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

He told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," he said.

(BBC News)

A new exhibition at the Imperial War Museum in London includes this painting by Henry Moore of a scene in London during World War II.

I just about remember those times.

When the bombs started to fall, the poor did not have the luxury of their own air raid shelters and took to the platforms of the Underground for refuge.

Moore described them at the time: "poor looking women and children waiting to be let in to take shelter for the night – and the dirty old bits of blankets and clothes and pillows stretched out on the Tube platforms – it's about the most pathetic, sordid and disheartening sight I hope to see."

He took to drawing them.

In situ, he felt it inappropriate to do anything more than take a few furtive notes; he worked these up into sketches back home.

The results – shrouded, monumental, anonymous figures trapped in the vortices of the tunnels – are some of the bleakest yet most human, deeply sympathetic images of war.

Air passengers could have their conversations and movements monitored as work intensifies to design the terrorist-proof aeroplane.

Researchers in Britain and Europe are looking at technology that would see a comprehensive network of microphones and cameras installed throughout the aircraft, including the lavatory, which would be linked to a computer.

This computer would be "trained" to pick up suspicious behaviour, said Catherine Neary, of Bae Systems, one of the British participants in a £24 million European Union project Safety of Aircraft in Future European Environment.

"It would pick passengers who are behaving oddly or in an unruly manner," she said. "They may appear nervous, or could be getting up while the plane is taxiing. If someone looks as if they are praying, the microphones would be able to tell if they were by picking up key words."

"Passengers are not being snooped on by humans, but by machines which will process the data, which would not be stored after the flight unless there is an incident," she said.

"There are likely to be cameras and microphones in the toilet, because that is where terrorists go to assemble bombs." The camera could also be trained to detect seemingly harmless items being left in aircraft lavatories that could later be assembled to make a lethal device.

And is there a Whizzer in Your Tweeter?

It is sometimes difficult, isn't it, to understand all that technical jargon?

The above instructions on how to assemble your own portable oil drilling rig seem quite clear, but how about some of that flat-packed furniture from Ikea?

And who wrote the English translation of the instruction manual accompanying your new TV or DVD player?

They have earned such a reputation for being confusing and badly written that most people now don't bother reading them.

Well, Marks and Spencer are changing all that and are attempting to reverse the trend by rewriting its instruction manuals for electrical goods in plain English.

The manuals will start appearing from Wednesday when M&S launches its first electrical goods stores.

In a survey, 40% of people who owned at least one electronic device said that they could not operate it above the most basic level.

Under a series of deals with manufacturers such as Pure and Samsung, some of the brands will be repackaged to carry the M&S logo alongside the maker's.

The move into electronics is one of the biggest changes to M&S's range in decades. New electrical goods departments will open in 13 of the largest stores over the next month, while most stores will carry a small range.

Steve Rowe, director of home and technology at Marks & Spencer said: "We've been trialling technology since October and know that our customers want to buy the best products from a retailer they can trust. Our research survey shows just how baffled the nation is with the amount of choice and technological jargon out there."

P.S. How NOT to do it. (From the instruction manual for a new scooter):

SAFE DRIVING

Many accidents happened to not have been through out the test by the traffic administration, it's forbidden to lend the motorcycle to the man who knows little about driving.

When another one is coming toward you, keep calm.

WOMAN IS SUCKED INTO TOILET ON A JET PLANE

OSLO, Norway — A woman passenger who flushed the toilet on a Scandinavian Airline System jetliner before standing up was trapped on the seat by the vacuum flushing action.

She was stuck there for the remainder of her trans-Atlantic flight to New York.

Upon landing, mechanics had to pry her loose.

She was flushed with anger, and may sue the airline. She also had a big, round indentation on her bottom.

"At least she didn't have to worry about fastening her seat belt when we landed," said an airline spokesman

I am dreaming of a future free of all bad grammar

Since my comments here last Tuesday, "The Queen" has been shown at the Venice Film festival and Dame Helen Mirren has been praised for her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II at the time of the death of Princess Diana.

The Hollywood Reporter said: "Mirren is superb in finding those telling moments where the royal mask drops to reveal the flesh-and-blood woman."

The actress told the press: "I was very intimidated, very fearful and more nervous of this than anything I have ever done.

The responsibility of the impersonation was quite intimidating. There is also that great mystery to the Queen, which in many ways is her greatest achievement. Although it is very irritating as we are all desperate to know what kind of jokes she likes; does she drink a beer occasionally."

She continued: "There is such a great fascination about the Queen, especially as she maintains that sense of enigma in a world where she can't control the media in the way that Elizabeth the First could.

"I think it's a no-win situation playing someone who is alive because as good as you are, you will never be a tenth as good as they are. The Queen is always in our life. I remember the days when we all stood up after the last film of the day in a cinema for God Save The Queen.

"My family was very anti-monarchist. They thought it was all a load of old rubbish. They hated the class system. I was brought up to believe in that."

Mirren said that she was abroad when Princess Diana died. ''I didn't see it as grief. I saw it as addicts having their drug taken away.

"Without a doubt, Diana had an incredible way of getting straight into the hearts of people. But I'm not at all comfortable with public outpourings.

"To me, it was a private affair. It was a family in incredible trauma. Grief and mourning are very complex issues.

"If people lose someone without having resolved issues between them, it's incredibly painful."

Only history will put it in its true perspective.

Well, that is what someone did at Sotheby's auction in New York earlier this year.

The painting is Picasso's "Dora Maar au Chat". She was his Parisian lover.

I wonder why, looking like that?

The identity of the buyer is a mystery. He is thought to be one of the super-rich New Russians - Sotheby's are not saying.

There has been a great deal of speculation and at least one journalist thinks he has the answer.

Read his article at:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2006/09/03/svrussian03.xml&page=1

A warning: It is 10 pages long

However, it is fascinating and very readable.

WHO'S LISTENING NOW?

The Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall and Prince William, along with his brother Harry, have taken delivery of brand new mobile telephones.

They all have new numbers, and the devices have a top secret "security feature" which is used by MI5 operatives to prevent eavesdropping.

This follows the suspension of a News of the World journalist after being charged with involvement in intercepting voice mail messages of members of the Royal Family.